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Confession of a Struggling Mom

My husband and I got married in 2003 and we immediately tried to start a family. After 48 months of “trying to conceive”, we finally got pregnant, but unfortunately, we miscarried our child at 16 weeks of pregnancy. We were devasted! After years of TTC, why would God allow this to happen? Well we were blessed to have children (both boys), in 2009 and 2011. Both pregnancies resulted in bedrest and premature births due to my incompetent cervix. I finally had my prayers of being a mom answered!

In 2012, I realized there was something different about my oldest child. He was speech delayed and I noticed that he did not interact with other children at daycare. About 2 months before he turned 3 years old, I convinced my husband that we needed to have our son evaluated for autism. Although my husband was a diagnostician at the time of this conversation and he did evaluations on children with suspected disabilities, he was in complete denial and just attributed the concerning behaviors to our oldest child being stubborn. A few days later, my son was evaluated, and we received the results that he was indeed autistic. Even though I had already assumed that my child was autistic, having my worst fear confirmed sent me into a slight depression. Once again, I was asking God “WHY”. Why after all the years of infertility and a miscarriage would I now have a child with a “difference”?

Fast-forward to 2019, and although I still don’t have the answer to the question, I realize that just like myself, there are so many mothers out there that are struggling to parent (whether their child is special needs or not). As I’ve connected with many moms throughout my 10 years of motherhood, I’ve come to understand, most mothers feel overwhelmed, underappreciated, ill-prepared and downright incompetent regarding parenting. Unfortunately, too many of us suffer in silence due to fear of being judged by other mothers. I, however, have found that through my transparency, many other mothers find it easier to express their feelings to me.

When I realized that my purpose was connected to my pain, it gave me the burning desire to create a safe space for women to be honest about their struggles not only regarding motherhood, but all things “women”. I want women to feel safe enough to remove their mask and live an authentic life. I believe in doing so, we can begin to decrease feelings of depression, anxiety, and other negative feelings that often come with not only motherhood, but being a woman.

About the Writer

Future Dr. Brandy Watts

My name is Brandy Watts and I am a wife and mother of two boys (ages 8 & 10). I am a high school Social Counselor, and this is my 15th year in education. After a 12-year hiatus from school, I decided to pursue my doctoral degree in Psychology. I am in my first semester of my journey to PhD in Industrial Organization Psychology (Coaching Psychology). I like to think of myself as the Life Coach that counsels.

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